Should Government Be Involved In Marriage At All?

Friday, 27-June-2015, saw a victory for the LGBT community and for all of us. However, declaring same-sex marriage legal is an imperfect solution. In the West, marriage has long been associated with religion, being a union sanctified by the religious institution.

Due to this intertwined relationship between marriage and religion, it is odd how marriage also carries with it legal rights sanctioned by the state. The United States is a secular government. We were founded on principles defined in the Bill of Rights, which clearly states government shall make no laws favoring religion. Thomas Jefferson further defined this when he wrote the First Amendment was "...building a wall of separation between Church & State."

As such, the act of conveying the religious institution of marriage with legal standing recognized by our government is contradictory to the foundation of our secular government. This is a key factor in what lead to the ban on same-sex marriage. Had marriage and religion been kept separate, and marriage recognized only for its legal contract, it is unlikely anyone would have cared who married who.

The best long-term solution to marriage equality, whether it be same-sex, interracial, or otherwise, is to remove government from marriage completely by having the state no longer recognize the legality of any marriage. Instead, all couples would join in a legal civil union granting them the legal benefits traditionally associated with marriage. Any of those joined in a civil union may then optionally seek the blessing of a religious body whose clergy may at their own discretion agree to perform a non-legally binding ceremony of marriage. All existing marriages will automatically be granted a retroactive civil union.

Does this sound like a radical move? Sure. But now that we have legalized same-sex marriage, we have the issue of clergy being potentially forced to perform a marriage rite for a union they philosophically disagree with. This is also a potential violation of their First Amendment rights.

Some will argue this approach makes religious marriage irrelevant, and that no one will respect it. I disagree. It will matter to those who believe in the tenets of a particular religion and seek its blessing of their union. If that is not enough to make a religious marriage relevant, then such a marriage was irrelevant from the start.

While I fully believe this is the right solution for our country, I have little hope of it ever happening. The institution of marriage is thousands of years old and the thought of abolishing it in favor of a pure legal contract flies in the face of long-held traditions. But, it is important to understand how the topic of religion and select moral views insinuate themselves into our government, creating the need for the landmark Supreme Court decision in Obergefell v. Hodges.

In the meantime, I shall simply content myself to be happy for those seeking a same-sex marriage. While it is an imperfect solution, it is far better than where we were at.

Self-Segregation, Bigotry, and Racism

I am a blue skinned guy and I see a group of guys with purple skin talking amongst themselves in a local park. They have mannerisms, language, and style of dress different from mine. Immediate I feel they are different from me. More importantly, I realize I am different from them and would not likely fit into their social bubble. As such, I am hesitant to intrude and find myself feeling like a foreigner and out of place. Therefore, I stay by myself, or go look for others whom I am more familiar with.

What I described is a pretty typical human response to others who appear foreign, and how such fear and ignorance heavily influence the decision by an individual or group to self-segregate. The same is likely going on with the purple guys, and the group of green guys a few picnic tables over. This is normal social dynamics. It is not ideal, but it is a pretty common scenario.

This basic bias may remain simple self-segregation. Or it can turn ugly with bigotry as the different factions clash to ensure the members of each clan respect the self-imposed segregation. The children are not allowed to play together, nor are any Romeo and Juliet relationships permitted to form across the color divide.

Where such scenarios becomes serious problems is when the blue-skinned majority group tries to drive out the minority groups with purple skin and green skin, through personal intimidation, through laws crafted to deny them access to societal institutions, and through unequal targeting by police. Now bias and simple bigotry has turned into a systematic issue of racism.

It is unfortunate as everything in my fictional multicolored world takes place for real in our communities, both at home and across the globe. It doesn't have to be like this. Of the fear ridden groups I describe, it will be the children in each group, curiously looking for a friend, whom celebrate the differences in color of skin, language, and mannerisms. Then, they will quickly forget about their differences as they run off to play happily together as if they have been friends forever. Sadly, it will be the grown-ups passing down their fear and ignorance that turns these happy children into hate-mongering adults.

The solution lies with individuals. Nationwide laws passed to end discrimination are important, but it takes change in the heart and soul of the individual to end such abhorrent behavior permanently. Think of it this way... if individuals, you and I, were to refuse to give in to the fear of that which is different, the societal groups to which we belong will likewise stop reacting with fear. And pretty soon we are all one big happy family. Well, maybe it is not quite that easy nor that simple. But, the one thing that is simple is this: the solution starts with me, and it starts with you.

Blueman Group photo attribution Galeria de Léo Pinheiro - Picasa. Blue Man Group em São Paulo em 02/08/2009. Obtained from Wiki Commons under Creative Commons license.

Depression: The Silent Killer

Given the recent news surrounding the suicide of much-beloved actor and funnyman, Robin Williams, I find myself pausing to contemplate what a silent killer chronic depression can be. It is a deeply personal subject for me. I have suffered from depression for more than 30 years.

Depression can manifest in different ways for different individuals. For some, depression reveals itself as a general sense of apathy for life, a disinterest in that which you used to find interesting. It is a malaise blunting passion for living. For others, it is a crushing weight bearing down on your soul, leaving you bereft of all happiness. Or, it could be anywhere in between.

It is difficult for many to discuss depression, especially if you are the one with this terrible disorder. There is a problem in how our society perceives anything even vaguely related to mental illness. People with mental illness, including even mild depression and addiction, are treated as 'fragile' by others. There is a sense of avoidance on the subject of mental illness, as if the mere mention of it will send the person into a downward spiral. Many people do their best to tiptoe around the elephant in the room for this exact reason.

There is also misunderstanding about depression. It is a mood disorder, which leaves some to believe it is a matter of personal weakness; a malady that can simply be turned on or off with a stiff shot of will power. The 'bootstraps' mentality leads such individuals to the wrong impression that depression is but a simple matter or 'shaking it off'. Such thinking adds to hefty stigma society associates with depression.

For me personally, depression manifests as anxiety. I get panic attacks as the fight or flight response kicks in during minor instances of stress, instances most people would simply ignore. That is the result of problems with brain chemistry. As a person with depression, I cannot simply ignore minor obstacles. Awkward situations, crowded areas, heavy traffic, etc. All these situations create great anxiety for me. I wish they didn't as they are nothing to lose sleep over. However, they cause a great deal of stress for me, including the negative symptoms associated with stress: elevated respiration and heart beat, a surge of adrenaline, and restlessness. I am hit suddenly with a desire to retreat from the situation or I become very aggressive. Fortunately, I am able to manage my response to such stimuli with coping techniques. I don't go 'postal' when I experience anxiety, at least not on the outside.

About ten years ago, I started taking medication for my anxiety and depression. It helps to normalize my brain chemistry resulting in a level-headed response to stress. The highs and lows are gone, and I am able to shrug off the minor irritations in life. I can't say enough how much medication has changed my life since I have taken it for the past ten years. I don't panic or become irritable, at least not to the degree I used to.

For people on the extreme edge of depression, I empathize with them. I haven't felt the overwhelming sadness in my life that would drive a person to suicide in over twenty years, thanks to coping techniques I developed for myself. However, I have been there. Many of my teen years and early twenties were an exercise in quiet futility, struggling to get from one day to the next. During this time in my life, thoughts of suicide were frequent. Sometimes, especially in my mid to late teens, the periods of intense sadness would last for months at a time. It is a dark place, one I have no desire to revisit.

To make matters worse is the issue of comorbitity. Depression can manifest in people alongside other mental health issues. Anxiety, addiction, mental and physical pain can be present making treatment for depression even more difficult.

Returning to the subject of Robin Williams, it is clear to me how a person whom appeared so animated and full of life on the outside could be sinking in quicksand on the inside. Quiet, insidious, and stealthy. That is how depression consumes an outwardly happy person.

It doesn't have to be this way though. If you suffer from depression, please get help. Talk to your MD, or a mental health professional. Get counseling, and discuss medication. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it doesn't have to be an oncoming train. There is hope, though... You can take my word for it.

If you not a person with depression, count yourself fortunate. You can help those close to you with depression by encouraging them to get help. Also, don't avoid the topic. Talk to friends and family who suffer from depression about their illness and struggles. Be there to listen and offer a shoulder for support.

Depression is a terrible illness. It turns life into misery, can manifest with physical symptoms, and can drive a person to suicide. Furthermore, society is trained to avoid the topic due to misunderstanding and social stigma. It does not have to be like that. It is an illness which can be treated, only if we as a community are willing to learn about it and discuss it openly without judgment.