Depression can manifest in different ways for different individuals. For some, depression reveals itself as a general sense of apathy for life, a disinterest in that which you used to find interesting. It is a malaise blunting passion for living. For others, it is a crushing weight bearing down on your soul, leaving you bereft of all happiness. Or, it could be anywhere in between.
It is difficult for many to discuss depression, especially if you are the one with this terrible disorder. There is a problem in how our society perceives anything even vaguely related to mental illness. People with mental illness, including even mild depression and addiction, are treated as 'fragile' by others. There is a sense of avoidance on the subject of mental illness, as if the mere mention of it will send the person into a downward spiral. Many people do their best to tiptoe around the elephant in the room for this exact reason.
There is also misunderstanding about depression. It is a mood disorder, which leaves some to believe it is a matter of personal weakness; a malady that can simply be turned on or off with a stiff shot of will power. The 'bootstraps' mentality leads such individuals to the wrong impression that depression is but a simple matter or 'shaking it off'. Such thinking adds to hefty stigma society associates with depression.
For me personally, depression manifests as anxiety. I get panic attacks as the fight or flight response kicks in during minor instances of stress, instances most people would simply ignore. That is the result of problems with brain chemistry. As a person with depression, I cannot simply ignore minor obstacles. Awkward situations, crowded areas, heavy traffic, etc. All these situations create great anxiety for me. I wish they didn't as they are nothing to lose sleep over. However, they cause a great deal of stress for me, including the negative symptoms associated with stress: elevated respiration and heart beat, a surge of adrenaline, and restlessness. I am hit suddenly with a desire to retreat from the situation or I become very aggressive. Fortunately, I am able to manage my response to such stimuli with coping techniques. I don't go 'postal' when I experience anxiety, at least not on the outside.
About ten years ago, I started taking medication for my anxiety and depression. It helps to normalize my brain chemistry resulting in a level-headed response to stress. The highs and lows are gone, and I am able to shrug off the minor irritations in life. I can't say enough how much medication has changed my life since I have taken it for the past ten years. I don't panic or become irritable, at least not to the degree I used to.
For people on the extreme edge of depression, I empathize with them. I haven't felt the overwhelming sadness in my life that would drive a person to suicide in over twenty years, thanks to coping techniques I developed for myself. However, I have been there. Many of my teen years and early twenties were an exercise in quiet futility, struggling to get from one day to the next. During this time in my life, thoughts of suicide were frequent. Sometimes, especially in my mid to late teens, the periods of intense sadness would last for months at a time. It is a dark place, one I have no desire to revisit.
To make matters worse is the issue of comorbitity. Depression can manifest in people alongside other mental health issues. Anxiety, addiction, mental and physical pain can be present making treatment for depression even more difficult.
Returning to the subject of Robin Williams, it is clear to me how a person whom appeared so animated and full of life on the outside could be sinking in quicksand on the inside. Quiet, insidious, and stealthy. That is how depression consumes an outwardly happy person.
It doesn't have to be this way though. If you suffer from depression, please get help. Talk to your MD, or a mental health professional. Get counseling, and discuss medication. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it doesn't have to be an oncoming train. There is hope, though... You can take my word for it.
If you not a person with depression, count yourself fortunate. You can help those close to you with depression by encouraging them to get help. Also, don't avoid the topic. Talk to friends and family who suffer from depression about their illness and struggles. Be there to listen and offer a shoulder for support.
Depression is a terrible illness. It turns life into misery, can manifest with physical symptoms, and can drive a person to suicide. Furthermore, society is trained to avoid the topic due to misunderstanding and social stigma. It does not have to be like that. It is an illness which can be treated, only if we as a community are willing to learn about it and discuss it openly without judgment.
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